Do You Wish It Was Me?
by leoslady4ever
Summary: He lost her months ago, but his love for her has never changed. She was weak and let her her father and her friends decide what was best for her. But what happens when they see each other once again? Can Zancrow convince her that she belongs with him, or will she continue to please everyone but herself?


Okay, this fanfic is dedicated to **horsejumper88**. She asked me for a Zancrow/Lucy story, and here it is! I hope it's everything you wanted it to be. I had a great time writing it. Thanks to **Deathsembrace137** for beta-reading this for me. You are quite literally the bomb! :) BTW, just in case you're wondering, this story is AU - just like us in real life. Enjoy!

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**Hiro Mashima is the owner of Fairy Tail**, and has now gotten back into my good graces with the latest chapter. Though I'm a bit peeved about Ultear. I like her.

One more disclaimer to note: The songs I used in this story are not mine. **"Do You Wish It Was Me?" is by** one of my favorite artists, **Jason Aldean**. The other song, **"If I Didn't Have You" is by Thompson Square**. Check them out - they're awesome! That is all.

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**DO YOU WISH IT WAS ME?**

It was nearing 8 o'clock as I made my way to the club. Though I was running behind a bit, I didn't rush or panic. My mind wasn't on the time, nor was I concerned with the fact that I was bound to be late. I could honestly care less about such trivial things, when my eyes were drawn to a blonde woman ahead of me, coming towards me from the other direction. She was digging in her bag for something, and I couldn't help but find her cute with her brow furrowed in concentration.

She was just as beautiful now as she'd been the last time I'd seen her, the day she'd said goodbye. She'd told me that she loved me, but she couldn't keep going against her father's wishes. He was the only family she had left, and with her friends pushing her just as hard to leave me behind, she couldn't do it anymore. She'd looked haunted as she'd told of her mother's wish for her to one day marry well, to a man who could take care of her. Her mom had wanted the best for her...love, marriage, security. Unfortunately Lucy's mother had died long before Lucy was old enough to marry, and her father had become obsessed with finding Lucy a perfectly sensible match. Obviously I, coming from the wrong side of the tracks along with my checkered past, had not been what he was looking for.

I felt a pang of sadness as I thought of how long we had been apart, how many months had passed since she walked out of my life and begun dating a man her father had approved of. I hated the reminder that she wasn't mine, that she'd chosen someone else. It was like a punch to the gut to think of her with that straight-laced prick, but it didn't matter, because in the end, the choice was hers.

I watched as her head lifted and our eyes met for the first time in months. Her mouth opened and shut in shock, before she looked down at her clenched hands, stopping there on the sidewalk. I closed the gap between us and spoke her name, "Lucy."

She looked up at me with wide eyes, and said quietly, "Hey Zancrow."

"It's been a while. How've you been?" I asked, some selfish part of me hoping she'd say she was miserable without me. I wanted, more than anything, for her to be happy, but my heart foolishly ached for some sign that she had realized she had picked the wrong man.

She swallowed hard, before giving me a look, saying simply, "I'm fine. How about you?"

I nodded my head, and tried again to get her talking, "I'm doing alright. I miss you." I could have kicked myself for saying that as she took a step back as though to leave, and I hurried to find something to keep her here, "Sorry. Um...how's your music coming along? Did you finish that song you were working on?"

She looked down at the ground as she answered, "N-No. I'm not really doing the music thing anymore. I-It's not a realistic job."

"What do you mean "music thing", Lucy? That's your dream. You love it. How can you give it up?" I asked, feeling the shock of her answer pulse at my head. She'd loved music just as much as I had. It was what had brought us together in high school. I couldn't believe she was acting so nonchalant about giving up on her music career. It had to be because of him. The sorry bastard never understood her, didn't have a clue what she needed. "Who's idea was it to stop pursuing your music?" I questioned her, trying to keep my anger under control.

"It was m-mine. It's just not practical, and there's no guarantee I'll be good enough to make a living doing it," she murmured, turning her face away for a moment.

My heart clenched at her words. _Who had done this to her?_ She seemed diminished somehow. Someone had turned her from a vibrant, self-assured woman to a timid, almost defeated shelf of herself. It infuriated me. I wanted to rage against the unfairness of her change, of our separation. _How could anyone have convinced her that she shouldn't follow her dreams?_ "Lucy," I said, waiting until she looked back at me, "If you only believe one thing I've ever said, please trust me when I say that you can do anything you want, anything you could possibly dream of. You are strong enough to go out in this huge world and have anything you want. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently."

I watched as she swallowed hard and looked down at her feet once again, whispering, "Okay." I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her for the rest of my life, but I couldn't do that. She had made her choice, and I wouldn't make a move on her unless she wanted me to. She was with another man now, and though I knew she had chosen him out of a sense of obligation to her father, it changed nothing. She still wasn't mine anymore.

I hadn't been able to stop wondering though, in the darkest part of the night, when my arms ached for her, if she ever found herself thinking of me. Did she wake up unhappy with her life? There was a desperate part of me that had hoped she would change her mind, but the months had carried on with no word from her. I had slowly begun losing hope, but questions continued to plague me, catching me in those moments of silence when my mind was calm. She was never far from my mind, and now as she stood before me now, I prayed for some sign that there was hope. Just some small token to say that she still loved me.

"I...I should probably get going," she stammered, clutching her purse with one hand as her other rested against her heart, rubbing it almost unconsciously.

My heart soared at her actions, as I had seen it before, the day she'd left. She still felt something for me, and that was all I needed to know. "Wait Lucy," I said, as I reached out to stop her from leaving, "I want to ask you something."

"What is it?" she asked, her eyes conveying her wariness.

"I'm playing at the club tonight," I said, angling my head towards the building I'd been walking towards, "Will you come see the show?"

Lucy stepped back as she shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Zancrow."

"Please. You don't have to stay for the whole show, if you don't want. Just...just come for a little while. Please," I pushed, all but begging at this point. I had no pride where she was concerned, not anymore. I just wanted her back. I wanted us back, and I'd do just about anything to make it happen.

She sighed, and finally nodded her head, as she said softly, "Okay, but only for a few minutes."

I wanted to cheer, but I held it in as we walked to the entrance of the club together. I held the door open for her, and breathed in deeply as she passed by me, taking in the scent I had missed so much. We made our way through the crowd, as several people called out greetings to me, and I waved at the lot of them before pushing Lucy toward a table at the front. She stumbled as she realized that another woman was already occupying a seat there in the corner, but I nodded, urging her to sit, and turned back to the stage.

I looked over my shoulder to see the two begin to speak, and smiled at the sight. That was another person Lucy had left behind in her bid to satisfy her father, and I knew the brunette wouldn't go easy on the blonde. Cana had been so angry with her for ditching us, and I supposed she had the right. We all did, but I could never bring myself to blame Lucy for what she'd done. I'd just missed her.

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I gasped as the woman's head turned towards me. I hadn't seen her in so long, and my eyes teared up as she glared at me. I couldn't believe she was right there in front of me, and I suddenly felt every single lonely day without her. "Hi Cana," I murmured quietly.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she snapped, as she scanned the room, "Does Zancrow know you're here?"

"Yes, he's the one that brought me in here," I answered, not knowing how to handle the angry woman.

Her eyes flashed as she snarled, "I can't imagine why you'd let him drag you in here with all of us low-class people. It's not like we're friends anymore."

My heart ached as I realized how much things had changed. She had been one of my closest friends back then, but she was right. I had dropped her, just like I'd dropped him. I deserved her venom. I deserved it all, and though I knew that, it still hurt. I tried to regain my footing, reminding myself of all the reasons I had done this, but my logic failed me. Sitting there with this woman who'd been on my side from the first moment, who'd known me inside and out, I couldn't think of a single reason that made sense.

"You're right," I spoke softly, as I rose to my feet, "I shouldn't be here."

"Oh no you don't. You told him you'd be here, so you're gonna sit your ass down and watch," Cana growled, my attempted retreat firing her up even more, "You don't get to just cut and run again." Her hand came down on my shoulder, pushing me back into the chair roughly. She stared at me, her look suspicious, as though trying to delve into my mind, past the blank face I tried to show her, and she asked, "Why'd you really come here? I thought you didn't give a damn anymore."

"I...I just thought I owed it to him," I began as the lights dimmed, drawing my attention to the man on the stage, and I forgot everything I was saying. He looked so good, his blonde hair still as wild as it ever was, and I felt my eyes water at how much I missed him. I'd left him months ago and there wasn't a night that went by that I didn't lay awake, remembering my time with him. His voice, his smile, the way he held me. It never left me. He never left me, and on the darkest days, when it seemed like my life would steal my last bit of air, I'd think of him and feel like I could breathe again.

He'd been everything to me, and when I'd left, it had almost destroyed me. In some ways, I suppose it had. I'd given up so many of the things that made me who I was. I didn't know who this person was anymore. She was a stranger to me, a sad, lonely stranger, and I hated her. I felt so empty now, all the light that used to fill me gone, all but forgotten without him. It hadn't taken me long to realize that he had been my light, the bright spot in my seemingly endless night.

Zancrow stepped toward the mic, his eyes moving toward our corner of the room, and he began to play, his fingers moving over the strings of his guitar with ease. I turned to Cana beside me and found her still watching me, her mouth dropping open as she caught a glimpse of my face. I had no defense against her eyes. They had always seen right through me, knowing everything I felt with a single glance.

"Holy shit," she muttered, her face stunned, "You still love him, don't you?"

I looked down at my lap, before his smooth voice drew my eyes back to the front of the room.

_When the sun slowly chases the moon from the sky,_  
_And touches your face as you open your eyes,_  
_What are you thinking? Do you like what you see?_  
_Is it all that you dreamed of, or do you wish it was me?_

_Is the life that you've chosen, free from regret?_  
_Or is what might have been just too hard to forget?_  
_Has the glitter all faded? Do you get what you need?_  
_Are you satisfied baby, or do you wish it was me?_

My breath stalled in my throat at his words. He was singing this to me, and he was right. I couldn't forget him. No matter how hard I'd tried, I had never been able to let go of him. He had always known me better than anyone else in the world, and this song proved it. I still woke up every day wishing I was with him. "Yes," I whispered to Cana, finally speaking the words I'd held in my heart for months, "I still love him."

_I know you did what you thought you should do._  
_It was safe and secure, so completely thought through._  
_You sacrificed passion and abandoned your dreams._  
_Baby, was it all worth it, or do you wish it was me?_

_Does each kiss seem closer to the first or the last?_  
_Is the fire still raging, or has it burned down to ash?_  
_Do the memories haunt you? Do they beg and they plead?_  
_Are you satisfied baby, or do you wish it was me?_

A tear slipped down my cheek as I realized he knew. He had known all along why I had abandoned him, and he didn't hate me for it. I'd been so damn weak, letting my father tell me what I needed, letting him dictate who I should love. I was a fool, because I'd never stopped loving the man up there on the stage. He was everything I wanted. He made me believe in myself, in my dream, and at the first sign of my father's pressure, I'd folded and traded in everything that gave me hope for a life of emptiness and regret.

_Is the life that you chosen, free from regrets?_  
_Or is what might have been just too hard to forget?_  
_Has the glitter all faded? Do you get what you need?_  
_Are you satisfied baby, or do you wish it was me?_

I dug my phone out of my purse, and scrolled through the names there. I was done following someone else's view of my life. It was time I took control of my destiny, and fought for what I wanted. I may have been raised to be some dignified lady, one who everyone thought was destined to marry a high-class businessman, but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted that blonde-haired bad boy up there singing his heart out, the man who chased his dreams and lived his life for himself, no apologies and no regrets.

_I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I don't want this life with you._ I pressed send, and lifted my head as the song came to a close. I wiped my eyes and smiled at him, the first smile in a long time that felt real. I turned to Cana again and cried, "I'm sorry, Cana. I'm so sorry I left you guys." She threw her arms around me, her laugh mingled with the sound of her own tears. I felt so light, finally free after all this time, as she said, "Damn, I've missed my partner in crime."

A voice broke through our reunion, "Thanks for coming out tonight! I've got a special surprise for you guys. Lucy, come on up and give us a song."

My eyes widened as I found Zancrow looking right at me, and my head shook frantically. I wasn't ready for that. It had been way too long since I had done anything with my music. I continued to deny his request, but he wouldn't have it, as he stepped down and walked over to grab my hand. "Come on, Luce," he said confidently, "You got this."

I looked into his eyes and knew that as long as he believed in me, I could do it. He had put himself out there with his song, and now I would do the same. I was going to show him that I still loved him, and I knew just the song to sing. We'd written it together, and even practiced it with his band. It said everything I wanted to tell him. I walked up to the stage amongst applause and cheering, and I tossed a smile at the crowd before turning to the band, and saying cheerfully, "Hey guys. You remember the song Zancrow and I wrote, 'If I Didn't Have You'?"

All the guys broke out in smiles and nodded their heads, and started the beginning of the song, as I turned to the mic and said, "This is a song I wrote a long time ago with a special someone, and it's as true today as it was back then." I looked out into the crowd and found Zancrow, sitting in the seat I'd abandoned, and smiled at him as I began to sing.

_Sometimes it feels like, I'm gonna break._  
_Sometimes this world, gives more than I can take._  
_Sometimes, sunshine gets lost in the rain,_  
_And it keeps pouring down._  
_It just keeps coming down._

His eyes went wide as his face broke out into a huge smile, as he stood to his feet, making his way to the stage to take a mic and join me in the song.

_This life would kill me if I didn't have you._  
_I couldn't live without you baby;_  
_I wouldn't want to._  
_If you didn't love me so much,_  
_I'd never make it through._  
_'Cause this life would kill me,_  
_This life would kill me if I didn't have you._

We sang together as if we'd never been apart, his voice blending perfectly with mine, as we stared into each other's eyes. I poured my heart out into the words I sang to him, and almost burst into tears as I felt our connection snap back into place after so much time.

_You are my heart, every breath I breathe._  
_I'm safe in your arms, you rescue me._  
_When I'm weak, you're strong._  
_If you were gone, I don't know where I'd be._  
_You were made for me._  
_(You were made for me)_

This song had never been more real for me. He was my world, everything I'd ever needed. My father had it all wrong. Mom had wanted me happy, and there could never be another man that could give me that than the one standing in front of me. He was my strength, my rock.

_This life would kill me if I didn't have you._  
_I couldn't live without you baby;_  
_I wouldn't want to._  
_If you didn't love me so much,_  
_I'd never make it through._  
_'Cause this life would kill me,_  
_This life would kill me if I didn't have you._

We finished the song to the sound of thundering applause and cheers, but our eyes were fixed on each other. It was as if the world around us didn't exist. It was just the two of us. We met in the middle of the stage, and I felt a tear streak down my cheek as I said softly, "I'm so sorry. I never should have left you like that."

He reached a hand up to my face, brushing away the wetness with his thumb, as he asked, "So, does this mean you're back?"

I nodded into his hand, saying, "Yes, if you'll have me. I still love you. I never stopped."

"I knew it," he said, with a small smile, "You told me when you kept rubbing your hand over your heart."

"Do you think you could ever forgive me, Zan?" I whispered, ready to beg for another chance if that's what he needed me to do.

He stepped closer, his hands taking hold of my hips, and said, "You called me Zan."

"You'll always feel like my Zan," I acknowledged quietly, feeling a bit insecure as he hadn't answered my question. What if he couldn't forgive me for what I'd done? My heart clenched in my chest at the thought of him walking away from me. I knew it was the reaction I deserved from him, but I didn't think I could bear being separated from him again.

His head moved in inches away from mine, as he murmured, "I'll always be your Zan. I've missed you so much, baby."

He drew me up as his lips crashed down on mine, taking me in a fierce kiss. His mouth molded to mine with ease, our bodies fitting together perfectly as though we were made for one another. The crowd cheered again, many whistling at the spectacle, but still, we didn't part. We stayed there under those lights, our mouths and heart connected after so much time apart, and I couldn't care about anything but him. I was finally home.

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**_A/N: Let me know what you think about this new pairing. I know there's one Zancrow/Lucy story on this site, but there is obviously not a lot of love for them. lol_**


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